If I'm being honest here's the real deficit

" I think I'll have another" I said outloud to my husband after having a homemade taco. I prepared my gluten free, dairy free, *everything free (*jk) low carb tortilla with loosely measured chicken, cheese, and ranch dressing. I even mentioned to my husband how the tortilla was only 100 calories in all. I questioned my hunger but that has been nothing new. I've always known how to operate in deficits but what happens when the line is blurred from deficit to having the wrong mindset about food?

I honored my hunger and had another. My body has been so inflamed but instead of receiving kindness while I heal I've boxed myself in for judgement. " If people see me eat two tacos that may be a problem" was the root of my thinking while I didn't blink twice when my husband ate a box from Taco Bell with multiple options. Walking through experiencing life with taking medications and struggling to move my body has been humbling. I needed this experience to challenge my mindset. When I began having hormonal trouble in 2021 with weightloss I thought I could just push through it. If only I could work harder, didn't more time in the gym, or get into a deeper deficit. I tried many things. Intermittent fasting, Alternate day fasting, keto was short lived, cutting sugar.... nothing was working but I kept going. I wish someone with wisdom and kindness would've tapped me on the shoulder and advise me to stop. I slowly gained five pounds at a time until it reached 30 pounds. I quit. I stopped going to the gym. I began to sit in my anger and grief with God. Little did I know my issues had more to do with my beliefs about myself then the weight that I gained.

God did not create us to live from a place of performance where everything is about an exchange. We struggle with change because there is no exchange- something has to be let go of in order for change to happen. In order to challenge negative beliefs you have to take an honest look at where you are. What's feeding your values?

Your worth is not built by the things you can offer the world. Is it not in you having a certain look or being at the perfect BMI for your age. Your worth was already established before God decided to put you in your mother's womb. The real deficit is when we don't believe that. Here's how we can begin to believe that we're more than the vain values being presented to us every day- through our devotion to God.

I saw someone post that she never had to question if her mother was ever proud of her. In that post her mother had different handmade posters hanging all throughout her home congratuling her daughter on becoming a coach. Can you envision along your pathway of walking with God him leaving you with notes about how proud he is of you just for being you? He had practically done that through his word. He loves you and values you immensely. He desires for us to live in satisfaction and abundance. In John 10:10 Jesus stated that he came so we would have life more abundantly. Meaning to live a life beyond what is necessary. He cares about your well-being.

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